Issue No. 4 | February 17, 2026 | Dr. Jacqueline Ashley, PCC
What Perfectionism Is Really Costing You, Part 2
Your perfectionism isn't just costing you anymore. It's costing your team.
The outer work of letting go
FEEL DEEPLY
You've stayed up past midnight fixing your team's work again. Not because it was wrong. It wasn't perfect enough.
You delegate the project, then redo their work anyway.
You hold back praise because the work wasn't quite right. Or you provide it, then follow with "next time..."
Different behaviors. Same root: perfectionism you turn inward now turns outward. Your team learns that anything short of perfection is unacceptable.
When perfectionism only affects you, it's private pain. When it extends to your team, it becomes public damage.
The voice underneath is the same one from Part 1. When you don't trust yourself, controlling others feels necessary—like preventing them from exposing what you fear about yourself.
When you redo delegated work, you're teaching your team their best isn't good enough. Your over-involvement creates anxiety. Praise comes with qualifiers.
You're killing innovation by making mistakes intolerable. The cost isn't just yours anymore, but your team's growth, your relationships, and your collective capacity.
Where does your pursuit of excellence diminish others' autonomy, learning, or safety?
What once felt like self-protection becomes leadership behavior others must adapt to.
Not everyone gets the same margin for error.
For marginalized leaders, perfectionism often starts as survival. The prove-it-again bias means you can't afford slip-ups others navigate without consequence. Delegation feels like handing others ammunition.
The system wins either way: deliver flawless work alone and sacrifice your well-being, or burn out trying to control everything, which confirms the bias you've fought.
Understanding this context matters—but staying here keeps the system intact. Sustainable excellence asks a different kind of courage.
THINK CRITICALLY
It's not good if it's not perfect.
High standards show I care about excellence.
It's unfair to hold your team to an impossible standard. Others can strive to excel without being perfect in what they do. High standards are good if they're realistic but aren't enough to achieve excellence. Excellence grows best with psychological safety.
The shift: The antidote isn't blind trust or lowered standards. It's compassion for understanding what your team needs to thrive and be effective.
In Part 1, self-compassion helped you trust yourself. Here, compassion becomes a leadership practice that makes excellence possible for others.
Sustainable excellence doesn't cost anyone their health, relationships, or sense of self. Self-compassion is the inner work; extending compassion to others is the outer work.
Think of holding rice. Clench your fist and it falls through your fingers. Keep your hand open, and you hold what matters.
Decide what only you can do and release the rest. Trust your team. Celebrate improvements.
Delegation isn't abandonment. It's multiplication. What you model, you multiply. Without letting go, you limit your team's growth. Build trust through compassion, recognition, and appreciation.
LEAD POWERFULLY
Your strengths aren't the problem. The rigidity around them is. CliftonStrengths (aka StrengthsFinder) names 34. Here are three examples:
If you lead with Responsibility, you feel deep ownership for outcomes. Delegation can feel like abandonment. Others' mistakes feel like yours. For leaders held to higher standards, that ownership intensifies because your good name depends on everything landing right. Sustainable excellence means developing people, not carrying everything. The win is capacity, not control.
If you lead with Relator, you build trust through depth, not breadth. When perfectionism drives your standards, that depth can narrow. You might withhold trust until someone proves they meet your bar. Not everyone gets the same benefit of the doubt. Widen the circle: offer trust through action, not just time.
If you lead with Communication, you naturally find the words to create clarity and bring ideas to life. When perfectionism tightens your grip, you may over-script instead of letting others find their voice. Some leaders get more room to be imprecise than others. Set clear expectations, then step back. Your strength builds understanding, not dependence.
The Integration
Acknowledge the fear underneath your grip. The need to control often masks fear of being blamed, exposed, or let down. Name it.
Challenge the assumption that controlling everything protects quality. It protects anxiety at the cost of capacity, relationships, and team growth.
Release control to multiply excellence. When you trust others, you give them permission to do the same. Excellence doesn't require you to carry it alone.
This Week's Momentum
What will you let someone else own this week?
Face it 'til you ace it—sharing is the practice. Post on LinkedIn.
