Issue No. 12 | April 28, 2026 | Dr. Jacqueline Ashley, PCC
Their Perception Is Not Your Final Answer
Perception doesn’t always change on its own. Sometimes you have to be the one to change it.
The outer work of emotional self-awareness
FEEL DEEPLY
Someone reacts to you as though you are pushing too hard or being inflexible on your position—when you aren’t. You assertively, not aggressively, made a point in the meeting. You’d thought this through. You replay it in your mind anyway.
Unfortunately, people seem to remember that reaction instead of the innovative idea you had.
You decide to let it go…again.
The awful thing? Today wasn’t the first time either. Last week, a colleague minimized your idea. The other day, the SVP said you needed to smile more. You overheard your boss say you “tend to be dramatic” to a new hire. Each “small” comment becomes a pattern that undermines confidence and sense of belonging.
No wonder you sometimes want to pull your hair out.
Patterns are data, whether they’re actually based on real behavior, or driven by bias. When multiple people who aren’t talking to each other about you have the same thing to say, Dr. Tasha Eurich says this is “likely to be as close to a fact as you can get.”
But not every pattern has validity. A woman can speak confidently in a measured way, yet in multiple situations people think she’s “aggressive?” And what about a Black woman who maintains a neutral expression, but somehow, she’s seen as “angry” by different people? Bias perpetuates misperception.
For leaders who belong to a marginalized group, you know the deal. The reality of who you are and how you show up gets distorted by bias.
First, decide what to address, then how.
THINK CRITICALLY
Remember to pick your battles. Don’t waste it on perceptions that don’t matter.
Engineer your influence and start with who. Map people on two continua: the level to which they support or oppose you, and level of influence. Don’t bother with an executive without clout who supports you, or the quiet opponent who’s not at a table that matters. Regardless of where they sit along the continuum, the goal is to move them over a little at a time—towards support.
Laura Huang’s research offers “Enrich, Delight, Guide, and Effort” as a way. The foundation is “Effort,” which is the work you’re already doing. The other three sit on top of it. “Enrich” is about communicating clearly and in detail what you’ve got. “Delight” opens the door so others will pay attention. And “Guide” is about writing your own narrative. Otherwise, someone else will write a version shaped by biases and assumptions. Hard work doesn’t speak for itself. These three are how you speak for and amplify your work.
Leaders holding a marginalized identity: the benefit of the doubt isn’t automatically yours. Deliberate guidance matters along with visible receipts.
Their perception of you is only a rough draft. The rest is yours to write.
Guide some perceptions and let go of the rest.
Your strengths shape how you’re able to guide.
LEAD POWERFULLY
Used well, strengths can help us guide perception with intentionality.
If Self-Assurance is a signature theme, you trust your own judgment and forge ahead in uncertainty while bringing others with you. You’re confident without validation, so perception management is a joke. But when bias is telling people who you are, not challenging the distortion allows someone else’s perception to stand. Engineering your influence isn’t image management, but rather how you maintain your independence.
If Developer drives you, you’re patient in growing the limitless possibility of others. Each person is a work-in-progress. You help them without considering how to shift things for yourself. When you’re undervalued by the system, unaddressed perception damages you with decision-makers. Invest in yourself equally as you would for others. Actively guide the shift for how you’re being seen.
If you lead with Strategic, you easily sort through complexity and see paths others miss. You identify alternatives to reach a goal, but continuing to re-evaluate can get in the way once you’ve chosen a path. But when the standard wasn’t set in your favor, this tendency makes it seem like you’re doing something. Trust yourself.
The Integration
Shifting perception will always be ongoing. The process takes time and can be hard when you go against the current. Whatever version of you preceded you doesn’t need to stay there.
Strategically direct your attention to manage the perceptions that will most affect the decisions shaping your future. Show up with the value that’s uniquely yours and guide the change to what it should be. Always have the receipts.
Lead with conviction. Trust that you are enough. Perceptions are yours to change.
This Week's Momentum
📌 Name one person whose perception of you carries weight in a decision ahead. What will you do this week to guide how they’ll think of you?